This section is to offer suggestions to parents; foster parents or anyone that works with children that are interested in promoting emotional healing in a child. You may have seen something like this before.....I modified it to "fit" with this site. Creating Balance between love and limits If You are a healthy authority over your children-- Real love includes limits Hold children accountable for their actions -- Be firm but fair Let reality be the teacher -- Learn from mistakes, allow failure Use actions, not words -- Walk, don't just talk, your values Follow through with what you say...Stick to your guns -- What you see is what you get Relationships come before rules -- Ask -- and give -- respect Children need To Be loved and accepted To Be secure and relatively free of threat To Belong, to feel part of a group To Be approved and recognized for the way in which one functions To Move toward independence, responsibility, and decision Five principles to remember Don't take misbehavior personally All behavior has a purpose and feeling Love them no matter what Parents don't own their kids The tail does not wag the dog Behavior has a purpose. When children misbehave they have usually one of four goals in mind: Gaining attention Using power to control Avoiding pressure and expectations by appearing to be inadequate Seeking revenge Encourage Positive Attention Seeking Recognize and encourage achievements Place emphasis on cooperation Create an environment that encourages creativity and experimentation Always let children know that failure is not fatal Don't reward or encourage competition between siblings Expect the best in all situations. Shoot for excellence not perfection Children seeking a power struggle will huff and puff and try to get you involved. Remove your sails from their wind! Decelerate the conflict by speaking quietly but firmly Don't argue, simply state what is needed and remove yourself from the scene If child is old enough, or receptive enough, sit down and talk reasonably, pointing out simply what you expect With children, especially who display powerful behavior by refusing to obey, simply give them a choice Every child who complains, protests, criticizes, argues or just plain "lips off" is a victim of the same problem: discouragement. Completely discouraged children appear unintelligent, they are anything but that. Pick your Battles, a wise bull knows when to charge. Something's are worth arguing about. Love them unconditionally and set them up for success. Disclosure of Abuse If a child trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you can offer positive support, the following are a few suggestions to help the child make sense of what happened - Keep calm. Don't be angry with the child, but instead at what happened. Children might interpret the anger as being focused at them instead of the situation. - Believe the child. In most circumstances children do not lie about sexual abuse. - Say something positive like "I'm proud of you for telling." - Explain to the child that he or she is not to blame for what happened. - Listen to and answer the child's questions honestly. - Respect the child's privacy. Everyone does not need to know what happened. - Be Responsible. Report the incident to authorities. - Assure the child if they need medical assistance you will accompany them. - Get the child and/or family some professional counseling even a few visits are better than none. Things NOT to do: - NEVER Blame the child. SEXUAL ABUSE IS ALWAYS AN ADULTS FAULT!!! - Don't Panic or overreact when the child tries to tell you. Children need help and support to reveal this incident. - Try not to Pressure the child to talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Silencing the child might ease your conscious but will not make the victim forget. Forcing can be harmful. - Don't take on the offender in the child's presence. This can be very detrimental to a child. |
This page is to offer idea's in fostering healing for survivors of abuse. The links on the left provide information on various topics. Below are suggestions for anyone working with or caring for children who have been abused. |
This site is currently under construction. Please check back soon. |
Fostering Healing |
I Believe........ |
I believe that sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do. I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever. I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. |